


While You Were Gone

by Shiverpass



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Broken Engagement, F/M, Family Drama, First Love, Flashbacks, Past Relationship(s), Romance, Sexual Content, Teen Angst, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-27
Updated: 2013-01-17
Packaged: 2017-11-19 16:17:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/575198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shiverpass/pseuds/Shiverpass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Catherine James grew up in a strict household where she never could have survived without her best friend Tom. He never gave up on her, which ensued their growing romance. Years later, Tom and Cat have been separated by fate. Cat’s successful and engaged to her boss while Tom has become a popular actor. A chance encounter with Tom  one night in Chicago could change everything that Cat had planned for herself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I have a beta for this story. You can find her on Tumblr as doctorwhogirl13. I owe a big thanks to her. Without her, I wouldn't be putting this story up on the internet.

  **June 27, 2006**  


It’s funny, isn’t it, how things change as you get older? Well, it is to me anyway. Like how the guy who you knew everything about, who stuck by you through all of your ups and downs and became your first love, is now somebody you used to know — a stranger who you don’t even recognize anymore. Right up to the point that whenever you look at him, you can’t help but feel your heart break as your mind replays all the old memories that you two made years ago. It’s infuriating. It’s unfair. Or how about when things could get so bad and keep getting worse and worse and then all of a sudden, a wish you had made years back, came true. You end up sitting up in the middle of the night, wondering where you went right and how on earth you deserve this dream-come-true. But it’s funny how sometimes, when you have that dream-come-true, it gets snatched right from your reach before you can reach out and grab it to call your own.

It’s strange how life works. You need to know pain to know pleasure, you need to know what tears are before you can know what a smile is, you need to know what the darkness is before you can know light. Or even how you need to have your heart broken to know what it’s like to get it put back together again. Everyone’s life can be a roller coaster. One minute you’re having a good day and here comes something that ruins it. You can be crying yourself to sleep one night and wake up with a smile on your face as if nothing went wrong in the first place.

But here’s the funniest part. Secrets and lies. So different and yet so similar. Secrets can only take moments to build up but years to get the courage to reveal. Lies are a lot like sickness. The more you let them be, the more they grow and get added on to any second possible until you start to wear it as your skin, there for everyone to see so that they know what’s really going down inside your mind.

My life was one miserable mistake. That, I can tell you for sure. It’s no secret. It’s no lie. And it sure as hell isn’t a surprise.

I come into the world so loved and cared for. But when I started to understand things around me, I realized how much of a lie my childhood was. My parents claimed that I would always have the best, that they wanted what’s best for me no matter what. But that’s the tricky thing, isn’t it? That is the biggest lie an adult could ever make. They don’t know their children. No person is brought into the world how you expected them to be. As far as I see it, parents don’t know that very fine line between a wise decision and a stupid mistake.

I was told what to wear, I was told who I couldn’t be friends with, I was told what I could do on a typical Friday night, I was even told what I couldn’t eat. I spent the first sixteen years of my life being told how to feel and how to constantly sacrifice against my will. They even had a hard time with me, trying to keep me from being friends with my friend Tom, who was the only living being who ever understood me.

But then I was diagnosed with severe depression my seventeenth year. Years of fighting for just a little freedom went down the drain all for my parents to push our differences aside and act like some obnoxious person who will do anything you want like some robot. They even appeared to be more than happy when I had announced that Tom had become my boyfriend.

It was so suffocating. It was like nothing you knew was real anymore. It was like you wanted to be happy, but that was the thing. You wanted. And all you got was some hollow hole inside your heart, taking all of your feelings to be sucked inside it, trapped from you so that all you could feel was nothing.

But little did I know, all I needed was the love of one man to fill up that hollow hole to the point it could spit my feelings back at me, allowing me to know what a laugh, a smile, or even a cage-full of butterflies in your stomach felt like. It was the love of that one man I didn’t know I needed until it was too late.

It’s funny how just when you get something good in your life, something happens and you’re forced to part from it for who knows how long.

Which led me to be where I am right now, staring at Tom in awe of what he had just told me. Tears were spilling from my eyes as I held back a sudden sob. It was suddenly hard to breathe.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked him, my voice stressed and shaky.

I knew his face all too well to read the regret and apology in his eyes as he furrowed his eyebrows, his beautiful eyes, that were always blue with green specks in them, staring into me.

“Cat, you know this was going to happen. I told you. Once I leave college, I’m going to follow my dreams.”

“With acting? Do you know how far away from me you’ll even be?” I asked as I put my hands to my cheeks, gasping for breath as I tried to hold back the building sobs.

Tom had been with me through everything. And despite all of the crap that I had been put through all of those years, despite what my parents once thought of him, he still loved me. He loved every part of me. And now, he’s going away from me. This wasn’t fair.

“It’s California, Cat. You know I’ve always dreamed of living there.”

“Yes, but n-now?” I couldn’t hold it back any longer. A sob erupted from my throat as I buried my face in my hands. “I can’t believe this is happening…”

Tom made a sound to let me know he was pitying me as I felt him put his arms around me. “Shh…I’m sorry…but I need this, Cat.”

I shook my head and pulled from him. “No. I thought you needed me.”

Tom let out a heavy sigh. “Cat, don’t do this.”

I shook my head, in denial as I headed for the door. I was at his house. It was no surprise when I felt Tom grab my arm gently. “Cat. Please. I don’t want us to part like this.”

I let the arm he had held onto drop down to my side, my face only half-hidden now. He was right. “I love you,” I said shakily.

“I  know. And I love you too,” he said, his voice soft, soothing, but regretful.

I slowly turned around to face him as I gathered up what courage and strength I had, raised myself on my tiptoes, and kissed him quick. “Goodbye, Tom.” I said, breathing out deeply out of fear that I’d break into more tears. My eyes fell on his packed luggage and then I was hugging him goodbye. I turned around and left, clenching my eyes shut as I pushed myself to hold onto to the sobs until I was alone.


	2. Chapter One

** Present Day **

My mother sat down her cup of coffee on the table before her as her eyes watched me closely. She sighed and crossed her arms over her chest, her eyes never leaving me. I felt like some science experiment under close watch.

“I don’t know how you do it,” I heard her say in a small voice.

I looked up from the opened text book before me as my eyes caught with hers. “Do what.”

She suddenly looked embarrassed and turned her head away so that her eyes could glance anywhere but at me. “How you can sit there in front of me as if nothing was ever wrong with us.”

I had been holding my chocolate chip frappe cup in my hand as I set it down and sighed, slightly tilting my head to the side as I looked over her. “Mom. Seriously,” I mumbled as I marked my page and closed the textbook so that it would be obvious that all of my attention was now on her.

She shook her head suddenly, denying my words. “No,” she mumbled. “Don’t look at me like that. Your father and I are the reason that you-”

I quickly reached forward and took her hand, causing her to uncross her arms as she looked at me. “Stop right there. Shit happens, mom. That’s in the past. That was…how many years ago,” I said as I let go of her hand and sat back in my chair, my eyes still on hers. “Don’t you listen to when they say not to dwell on the past? I’m here now.”

“Yes, after you spent how many years in Columbus…” she said in a disapproving tone.

I took an editing internship in Columbus. I built up on my vacation days and decided to leave for a year to spend time with my parents. They needed my company, I knew it.

That was the thing with my life. No matter what I did or what someone else around me did, we were always separated by our own dreams, scattered all across the globe. My old friend Jenny remained here in Lima, of course, but I went to Columbus, my fiance Jeremy is in Chicago at the moment for a business meeting for his publishing company in Columbus, Tom…is off in California last I heard from him, my current best friend Kayla is in Texas at the moment working with the capitol’s top equine program…it’s hectic just thinking about it.

“But I’m here now,” I told her as I took a sip from my frappe cup, chewing on the chocolate chips that came from the frappe.

She formed her lips into a firm line as if she were stopping herself from saying anything further. “Where’s Jeremy?” she asked, her voice lighter than before. I could tell she just changed the subject, which I had no objections to.

“In Chicago for a meeting,” I said as I glanced down at the engagement ring on my left hand. I sighed.

Two years ago I met Jeremy at the publishing company that I was an intern at. Of course, he’s the boss (how typical for me to be dating my boss), and he sought interest in me after my “talent,” as he called it, caught his attention.

“Chicago? That must be nice. I’ve always wanted to go there.”

I just nodded my head, taking another sip of my frappe.

There was a pause before she said, “Why don’t we all go to Chicago? Maybe you can surprise Jeremy?”

I looked up at her. I didn’t forget about my mother’s passion for traveling. A passion she never really got to pursue. But I just smiled at her. I don’t see why not. “Um, really?” I asked, shocked at her request.

She gave me a big wide smile, nodding her head quickly. “Yes. Let’s do it! I’ve been saving money up for some time now for something like this.”

I gave her a smile. “Okay then. But he’s there only for this week.”

I watched as my mother got to her feet. “Then let’s get a move on!”

I stared after her with furrowed eyebrows. How…spontaneous of her. Deciding to just go with the flow, I got to my feet, slipped on my winter coat, put my text books away in my messenger bag, and then grabbed my gloves, hurrying after her as I wrapped my scarf around my neck. I met with her at the front counter where she paid for our bill and then we made it out to my black Oldsmobile. We got in and headed home.

A trip to Chicago. I always wanted to go there myself. Maybe something really good will come out of this.

\- - - - - - - - - -

“You don’t sound too excited,” Kayla said as she spoke through the phone just as I unzipped my empty suitcase to begin packing for Chicago. I just unpacked it the other day.

I sighed as I squished my phone between my ear and shoulder, focusing on folding my sapphire blue dress in my hand correctly. “I don’t know,” was all I said after I scowled.

“Remember that conversation we had when Jeremy asked you to marry him?” she suddenly questioned.

I froze as I sat my dress down in the suitcase, my eyes going to the pattern in the guest bedroom bed comforter. “Yes.”

Of course I remember it. I remember being shocked of Jeremy’s question, I said yes to him because I honestly didn’t know what would have happened if I said ‘no’. I remember being kissed goodnight and watching Jeremy leave my apartment and I immediately called Kayla up to tell her the news. She wasn’t even excited for me. I mean, I remember her sounding happy, but not excited. I remember how she asked me if I even loved him, how I hesitated before I replied with, “Of course I do.” And then I remember how she didn’t believe me and we got into a big argument about it. I remember how she asked if it was really about Tom. I remember how I began crying, telling her I didn’t know what I was even doing. And then I remember sitting down and talking to Jeremy about it because as far as I see it, relationships are about connecting. I talked to Jeremy about all of my problems. He was my best friend. I did love Jeremy. And I do love him now. Just not sure if I love him the same way that I loved Tom when him and I were still together.

Kayla sighed on the other end of the line. “I don’t want to see any of you guys getting hurt. Just promise me to trust your instinct, alright?” her voice sounded tired and soft now. I knew it was late to be talking to her, but I needed to talk to her.

“I promise,” I said. And then we hung up.

I tossed my phone on the bed and went back to packing when a knock sounded on the bedroom door. I turned my head to see my father standing in the doorway, looking at me with hands in his pockets and a quiet expression set to his face.

“Hi,” I said to him.

My father hardly ever talked to me. When he did, it was all small and forced talk. Like ‘how was your day’ or ‘how’s life’ or even ‘how are you’.

“Hey,” he said. His aged blue eyes watched me closely. “So you excited for tomorrow?” he asked.

I nodded my head. “Yeah. Are you?”

He shrugged. “Yeah. Haven’t been out of Ohio in a while.”

I just nodded my head again, looking down to go back to packing my suitcase.

“So…are you serious about Jeremy?” he then asked.

I stopped what I was doing and looked at him. That was an odd thing for him to ask. “Um. Yeah?”

He just nodded his head. “Good. Because…marriage is a big step in life…”

I gave him a small smile. “Dad. I’m 27. I think I’m ready for marriage.”

“Yeah, but do you love him?”

Why did everyone keep asking me that? I let out a soft sigh. “Yeah.”

He just nodded his head and walked away. Weird.

That was definitely even more weird of him to ask me. Did I love Jeremy? I love him enough to marry him. But…was I making the right choice…?

\- - - - - - - - - -

**July 4, 2005**

The sky illuminated with bright, colorful fireworks as Tom wrapped his arms around me. I smiled, turning to him just as he pressed his lips to mine. A kiss under the Fourth of July fireworks, something I’ve been secretly wishing for. I giggled as he pulled away and smiled down at me with twinkling blue and green eyes.

“You look beautiful tonight, Catherine James,” he murmured to me.

“You don’t look so bad yourself, Thomas Hiddleston,” I told him in a voice that was strained by the want to be laughing.

He laughed and kissed me again. I turned my head back around to look up at the fireworks as we sat there on the blanket I had laid. I leaned my back against his chest as I rested my head on his shoulder. Our hands entwined, him holding them at my stomach. Every now and then, he’d plant a kiss on my neck.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too,” I replied.

“Forever and always.”

I smiled, a happy tear forming in the corner of my eye. This was the best summer I ever had. 


	3. Chapter Two

**June 26, 2006**

Knocks continued against my door, but I never responded to them. They’d stop, they’d start, but they never went away. The only response I dared to give were my sobs.

I sat on the side of my bed that faced my bedroom wall as I hugged my legs to my chest, sobbing into my knees and finding myself unable to let go of the fact that Tom and I are over. And as far as I see it, we were never meant to be. I loved him, he loved me, but we needed to go our own way.

I heard voices outside of my door. They had called on my friend Kayla. She was supposed to be in Columbus. I heard my door open and close and felt someone sit down beside me. It was Kayla, who I knew was worn from her travels.

Compared to her I was a mess. Besides my tear-streaked cheeks, reddened and puffy eyes, messy ponytail, I had on an old tank top, a bra that didn’t even fit right that I considered my “comfort bra,” worn-out grey sweat bottoms, my favorite fluffy blue socks, and my Claddagh ring I never dared to take off. But it was when I woke up today that it all hit me. Tom was gone and I was left crying my heart out in my bed.

It was like that hollow hole I once had was punched right back into my chest, bigger than before. I felt empty, like nothing mattered to me anymore. Like every smile and laugh I let out was all just some big lie. I almost wished I never even met him. I was left to reminisce memories that only ended up making me feel jaded and confused.

“Your mom told me you haven’t eaten since yesterday afternoon,” I heard her say calmly.

“I’m not hungry,” I said shakily as I ran the back of my hand under my nose.

Kayla sighed. “Cat…you can’t do this to yourself.”

I shook my head. “I want Tom.” Just saying his name was too much. I broke out in a new fit of sobs.

“Awe…Cat…” Kayla wrapped her arms around me as she pulled me close. I cried into her shoulder, the smell of her leather jacket hitting my nose as I hugged her back.

It was the truth. I wanted Tom. Only Tom. I wanted him to rush into my room unannounced and uninvited as he used to do once upon a time, see how much in pain I am in, take me back, say he’ll wait for his dreams for me, and just take me in his arms until I’ve stopped crying.

But I know that would never happen. It’s just wishful thinking. But I swear, if I ever got him back, I would give him more reasons to stay. I wasn’t the best of a girlfriend, I know that. Maybe if I got the chance to do it over, I’d do it right.

\- - - - - - - - - -

**Present Day**

“Chicago reminds me a lot of NYC,” my mother said as we walked up to the check-in desk for our hotel.

My father looked at me and rolled his eyes. “Everything reminds you of New York City,” he mumbled to my mother.

“No sir! Not Cleveland. Not Chardon,” my mom protested.

I kept my mouth shut as I asked for two suites. My father paid for him and my mother while I slapped their money away and paid for myself.

It wasn’t difficult to find our rooms, which, as requested, where across from each other. The two beside mine and beside theirs were both taken and/or booked. We agreed to unpack and freshen up, deciding to meet in the lobby so we could all go out to eat somewhere nearby. It was late and I would have a big day tomorrow, surprising Jeremy.

How I was going to do it, I wasn’t sure. Maybe I would call him up and ask him where he was or would be for lunch.

I unpacked my belongings and changed into a more comfortable and less-formal outfit, hanging up my pencil skirt, pink blouse, and lace blazer. I had pulled on my old jeans, a comfortable black sweater, and slipped my feet from my black flats to my worn out All-Star Converse shoes I still had leftover from high school. They still had writings on the side such as, “Be Here Now”, depressing Avril Lavigne lyrics such as “She wanted to go home, but nobody’s home,” and hearts that were colored in with pens of different colored ink. I looked at the clock on the bed’s nightstand, seeing that I had only taken close to twenty minutes. Knowing my parents, they were only halfway done with getting ready for dinner and unpacking.

So I sat down on the end of my bed, staring at the blank tv from across the room as I saw my reflection. I didn’t look at like myself at all. What was once all one layer of hair was now layered with bangs outlining my face (a style Jeremy wanted to see done on me), my clothes were not what I used to wear, which were very dark and unprofessional clothes, and I wore no makeup. I once took to a habit of needing to wear black eyeshadow or eyeliner 24/7.

I hated to be left alone. I just hated it. Because now that I sat alone, waiting another ten minutes before I would head down to the lobby, my head piled up with thoughts. Maybe the wedding was a bad idea. Maybe the whole entire idea of marriage was a bad one. Maybe I really didn’t love Jeremy the way I should if I were to marry him.

I scowled at myself as I looked down at the carpet, sighing. Everything was feeling wrong, like nothing was going how it should be. It was like I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. What was I even doing here in the first place? Yeah, it will surprise Jeremy, but I’m sure the feeling won’t last long.

Just like that one night, talking to Kayla about Jeremy proposing to me, the repeated line ran through my head once more.  _I have no idea what I’m doing_.

I felt a panic attack coming on as I looked at my surroundings. I needed savior. From something —  _anything_.

Or maybe I just needed a distraction and some sleep. I got to my feet and hurried down to the lobby, sticking the key card in my purse as I found my parents bickering over food. We all agreed on a simple Italian Bistro nearby.

Dinner was quiet, slow, and calm. We all got what we wanted, we ate our well-cooked food in silence, and then my father paid for the bill, insisting that it’d be all on one check. I sighed and let it pass just this time as we sat there, waiting for our leftover change from my father’s fifty dollar bill he used to pay for our meal.

“I think I’m going to walk around town a bit before I get to bed,” I said as I traced the top edge of my empty water glass.

“Alright,” was all I heard from either of them. My mother nodded her head.

“Just be careful,” my father then added on.

“I will,” I said as I got to my feet, said I’d see them in the morning, and walked out of the restaurant, staring at a busy street.

I needed time to walk in fresh air to think. That’s what I really needed right now. I was following my body’s instinct and began walking, keeping a mental check on where I was going and how far away I was walking from my hotel.

Shops still had few hours until closing time as I walked by, my eyes raking through every shop window I passed by until a small second-hand book store caught my eye. Two girls came out just as I walked up to the door. One was kind enough to hold the door for me as I thanked her and slid inside to look around. The store’s clerk sat at the cash register, reading a thick book titled ‘Twilight’ with headphones blasting what I could tell was Sick Puppies. She didn’t even notice me. I walked down each aisle until I found Shakespeare’s ‘ _A Midsummer Night’s Dream_ ’.

I pulled out the worn-out book and smiled softly. I always loved Shakespeare. My eyes skimmed through the first page, thinking about buying it when I suddenly heard someone speak behind me.

“ _If we shadows have offended, think but this; and all is mended that you have but slumber’ed here while these visions did appear and this weak and idle theme no more yielding but a dream_ ,” said a soft, hardly audible, and heartbreakingly familiar voice. “Interesting choice.”

I froze. I knew that I froze because I couldn’t move even if I wanted to, I didn’t say a word…all I did was remain there, staring down at the book before me. _That voice_. I knew it all too well. My breath had caught in my throat. My heart had picked up in speed. And all the while, memories of a pair of beautiful blue and green eyes flashed through my mind. I had forgotten how he had loved Shakespeare as much as me, followed with his career to starring in the Hollow Crown: Henry IV and V…

“For God’s sake, Catherine, will you turn around and look at me?” I heard him ask, sounding impatient.

I did exactly that. I put the book back sloppily and shakily, turned my body around to stare up at a very changed and different Tom Hiddleston. His hair was black, his eyes were aged, and he stood taller than I, as well as more leaner than before. But no matter the changes, he still looked as deathly handsome as I found him to be the day I realized I was in love with him.

Surprise and shock could be read in his eyes as he looked down at me. “Catherine…you’ve changed…”

 _So have you_ , I thought as I kept my face at a calm and controlled expression. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” I questioned. At least he wasn’t calling me by my personal nickname any longer.

His lips curled into a smile that pulled at my heart in a way I hadn’t expected it to. My breath caught in my throat once more as told myself that it was important I kept my eyes on his…not his lips.

“A good thing, of course.”

I didn’t know what to say. All train of thought had been lost just by gazing up at him, lost in his eyes. They seemed brighter than I had last remembered them to be. Finding myself suddenly nervous and blushing, I looked away, fixing my eyes on a bookshelf behind him.

“I hadn’t expected to find you here,” I heard him say in a more gentler tone.

I slightly shook my head once, shrugging my shoulders into an I-don’t-know fashion. “Neither did I expect to find you,” I shot back at him in a small voice.

When I didn’t hear him speak, I looked up at him to see his eyes surveying me closely. I knew that look. He was trying to read my inside emotions. And he had always been good at it too, and because of that, I feared he’d still know how to.

“How have you been, Catherine?” he asked.

I was never a good liar to him. It was as if his gaze alone pried the truth right from me no matter what. It always had that effect on me.

I looked away quickly before he could read the flash of emotion in my eyes. I moved onto the next bookshelf, reading through the titles to keep my mind clear as I answered him. “I’ve been okay,” I said. It was no lie, but it was no truth. To be entirely honest, I didn’t know how I was. Only word that came to mind was ‘ _numb_ ’.

“Catherine, don’t think I forgot how to know you are lying because I know for a fact you are,” I heard him say, following me as I moved down the rows of bookcases filled with aged, worn, and unusual books.

I ignored him as I raised my hand that showed my engagement ring. “I’m to be married in four months,” I said as I found a Bronte novel, pulling it out to inspect it. ‘ _Jane Eyre_ ’.

I heard him take in a shocked breath. “You…are?” he asked. He sounded puzzled.

I nodded my head. “Mmhm,” I hummed as I put the book back. Maybe I would buy ‘ _Jane Eyre_ ’ instead of ‘ _A Midsummer Night’s Dream_ ’.

“Do you love him?” he asked.

I froze and suddenly turned to him with furrowed eyebrows. “Why would you ask that?” I moved past him to the counter, the girl never took her headphones out as she rang me up and I handed her a ten dollar bill.

“It’s a simple question,” he told me.

The girl looked up at Tom, her freezing in place as her eyes widened and pulled out her headphones. “Tom Hiddleston?” she asked.

Tom looked over at her with an easy smile. “That is me!”

She suddenly rummaged through her bag, pulling out a Sharpie and a notebook. “Can I please have your autograph?” she squeaked.

Tom moved his hand quickly and signed the girl’s notebook. “There you go,” he said kindly to her when he handed her the notebook back. She looked so excited that she could faint.

I rolled my eyes and grabbed my change, stuffing it into my purse as I walked out into the street. Tom had been quick to follow. “Catherine, wait.”

I wanted to cry. That’s what I wanted to do right now.

I wanted to go back to my hotel room, curl up under the blankets, and cry myself to sleep. All because  _he_  had to show up. “Leave me alone, Tom,” I shot at him as I walked quickly down the sidewalk, on my way back to my hotel.

“No. Catherine,” Tom had grabbed my arm, pulling me back so that I turned around to look up at him. He read the hurt in my eyes, his eyebrows forming a confused line.

I shook my head as I pulled my arm out of his hand. “I don’t wish to fight,” I murmured.

He took his hand back and huffed a quick, exasperated sigh. “Neither do I.”

“So leave me alone,” I quickly told him as I turned back around to continue walking.

Tom was quick to follow after me. “Wait, can’t we start over? I’ve missed you. Let’s…have coffee or something. We have quite a bit of catching up to do.”

I crossed my arms over my chest after stuffing the book in my purse, sighing as I looked up at the starless sky. “Tom…”

“Cat.”

Well. That escalated quickly. That didn’t take him that long at all.

I felt so confused and hurt by him showing up again. Like, I didn’t understand why he had to come back into my life just when I had finally gotten over him…or so I thought. Maybe it was just me finding a way to lock away the hurt he gave me. But it’d be a bad thing to still have the strong feelings for him that I once had. I had a man I was going to marry.

“Fine,” I mumbled. What other choice did I have? Knowing Tom, he never gave up on getting someone to give into him.

“Splendid then. There’s a nice coffee place nearby that has long hours. They’re usually opened until midnight.”

“Great,” I said in a deadpan voice.

 _Let’s just get this done and over with so I never have to see you again_ , I thought to myself as I stopped and turned to him again. He wore a happy and relaxed expression, the expression I remember from when we were good friends and he would ask me to do something for him and I had given in to saying ‘ _fine_ ’ or ‘ _okay then_ ’.


	4. Chapter Three

**May 3, 3005**

Anger fueled my blood. It had been years since something like this had happened. I stood glaring up at Tom. His eyes were widened, in realization of what feeling I had at the moment.

“What exactly is going on, Tom. Huh?” I questioned him as I took a step closer to him. I may be shorter than him, but that wouldn’t stop me from getting the upper hand. “You’ve been ignoring me for weeks!” I squeaked.

Have you ever been so frustrated that you just wanted to cry? That was how I felt at the moment as I looked up at the man who was supposed to be my best friend, the man who had been ignoring me (or avoiding…whatever the hell has been going on) for weeks.

His mouth was formed in a thin line as he looked down at me, wordless as needed. Why couldn’t he just say something — anything?

“Oh my God, Tom! Seriously. Was it something that I did or say? Like, I thought we were friends!” I yelled at him. Why the fuck isn’t he saying anything?

He just looked down at me, not saying anything. But there was something in his eyes. Fear?

“You know what? Fuck this,” I mumbled shakily. I was sweating with rage, my limbs shaky and my heart pounding fast, fueled with adrenaline from the anger.

I turned around to walk away when he finally said something. “Catherine.”

“What,” I snapped at him as I whirled around to face him once more.

Before I even laid my eyes on his, he rushed forward, closing the space between us as he grabbed my face and pressed his lips to mine. In my shock, my eyes widened for a second before they fluttered shut and I kissed back. Tom was kissing me. My best friend was fucking kissing me. And I liked it. Up to the point that just as I sucked in a breath before kisses and his cologne hit my nostrils, I was permanently drawn in. My arms went up so I could rest my hands on the side of his neck, our kiss hungry and angsty, like he had been holding back for so long just like I have.

He let go of my face as he reached down to wrap an arm around my waist, pulling me close as his other cupped below my ear.

Was this why he had been ignoring me?

It must have been moments before he pulled back, our lips kiss-swollen as he looked down at me, a new fire in his eyes that I had never seen before. He still held me close, our breaths heavy and our eyes never leaving one another.

“Cat,” he paused to let out a deep sigh, his breath brushing against my cheeks — intoxicating, “I’m madly in love with you.”

I smiled up at him. This was absolutely the best thing I have ever heard. “Y-you are?”

He nodded his head. “I have for a while now. I…realized it a while ago when we went to that party at Jenny’s?”

I remember that. I went to Jenny’s house party where she invited me and Tom. I had dressed better than I ever had in my life, wearing a dark sapphire blue dress and black heels, my hair curled carefully in loose beach waves. I wore light, neutral tone makeup (Kayla, who came with Tom and I, insisted), and soft caramel brown lip gloss. Tom was me and Kayla’s ride there. I remember how he hesitated before he said his ‘hello’ to me when he picked me up that night. How didn’t I see it before?

Truth be told, I’ve had strong feelings for Tom…for a while now. But never enough to allow myself to be bold, but just enough to know that I love everything about him. His voice, his laugh, his eyes, his slight British accent, his style, the way he gets me, the way he can read me like a book, the way he knows how to cheer me up, the way he views the world around him, how talented he was in the school plays, and even the way he was the best friend I could ever ask for. He meant to the world to me.

“I don’t get how it took me so long to realize this,” he said as he shook his head, his curls in motion with him.

“Me either,” I replied.

He stared at me for a moment, then he leaned forward and gently kissed me before pulling back to look at me again. “Will…will you be my girlfriend?” he asked softly.

I immediately nodded my head eagerly, chewing on my lower lip as a large, wide smile stretched across my lips.

His eyes fell on my lips, his lips curling into a smile as well. “I love your smile,” he murmured the hand that cupped under my ear went and stroked my cheek. “I hardly ever get to see it. You have no idea what it means to me that I’m making you smile right now,” he said with a short chuckle, shaking his head again.

I didn’t know what to say. This beautiful man holding me in his arms, to his body, who had always been the best thing in my life, loved me. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy before.

His eyebrows arched up together. “No no no, don’t cry,” he gently said, leaning forward as I felt his lips on mine once more, but more softly.

I was crying? Oh yeah. I was so happy that tears were escaping. Tom pulled back and hugged me to his body, a hand going to the back of my head. I felt so warm, safe, and loved in his arms. I sighed into his embrace, my sobs ceased as I leaned my head on his chest, my eyes closing as I pulled my arms around him and held onto his shoulders from the back of him.

I wanted to tell him that I loved him. But I didn’t know how to. I never said it to anyone before. It was just so hard for me to. “Please never leave me,” I whimpered. “I really care about you,” I whispered.

“I won’t. I swear it.”

\- - - - - - - - - -

**Present Day**

The coffee shop he had taken me to was smaller than what I had been expecting. Its size reminded me of the small Starbucks I had back at home. But it was, in its own way, quaint, quiet, and comfortable. I felt all of my worries wane at the smell of fresh coffee and chocolate.

The place was in an L-shape. When you walked in, to the left was a corner holding three booths along one wall and three tall tables along the other wall of windows. Up ahead, a counter with two display cases filled with pastries and a few signs saying ‘SOLD OUT’ sat on either side of a plain counter with a register and a girl ringing up a man holding a large brown paper bag. On the other wall were regular round tables, looking to be about six of them, lining it. Straight back was a little room branching off into two doors reading ‘ladies’ and ‘gents’. The floors were a large brown stone tile while the walls were a bright coffee color where lamps hung off of, giving off the perfect relaxing glow of yellow.

Only a few people were in the shop. To the left, a man on his laptop sat in a booth with a large, stout coffee cup before him half-drunk with a girl across from him, reading a large textbook and taking notes in a half-filled notebook. The man with the large paper bag passed us, walking out into the Chicago night with a small, satisfied smile on his face.

Tom walked up to the cash register and I followed. The girl there greeted us with a warm and smile — nothing patronizing. “Hi guys, what can I get for you tonight?” she asked us.

Tom looked at me. “What do you want?”

I moved beside him, smiling at the girl. “A chocolate chip frappe mocha please,” I told her. I wasn’t hungry at all, so I’d skip out on the dangerously delicious looking cinnamon roll in the display case.

I was just getting my wallet out when Tom said, “It’s on me, silly.”

I was just about to refuse him when he leaned over to the girl. “A sugar cookie warmed up with an Oreo Frappe please, double blended with extra whipped cream please,” he said politely, pulling out his wallet from his back pocket. I watched his hand only to find my eyes falling on his butt.

My eyes widened and blushed looking away quickly before he knew I’d be checking him out.

“That will be $6.80 please,” she said happily, looking between us. Tom gave her the money and she gave Tom his change back. “If you’ll find a seat, I’ll bring your order out to you guys,” she said in a friendly way as she disappeared in the back.

Tom turned to me with a smirk.

“What,” I said.

He shook his head. “Nothing — where do you want to sit?” he asked.

I shrugged.

“Fine then,” he said as he found a quiet corner for us to talk without worrying about disrupting others concentration.

He sat down on one side and I took the seat across from him.

“So, tell me. What have you been doing since I last talked to you?” he asked.

I looked down at the table, folding my hands before me as I found it easier that way to explain. “Found an internship in Columbus for editing. Currently on a year-long vacation. When I return I’ll be a full-time, proper editor. Jeremy’s my boss and he’s here in Chicago…I came to surprise him…or my parents brought me here to do that.”

I looked up at Tom to see him studying me carefully. “That’s great to hear!” he said happily with a big smile as it then faded, his eyes focusing their attention on my eyes, causing me to blush. “But you don’t want to be here? You don’t like Chicago or…”

I shrugged. “I don’t know,” I said honestly. “I see Jeremy all the time at work. I don’t see what would be special about coming to surprise him,” I said as I began messing with the engagement ring on my left hand without me even realizing it.

Tom was quiet for a moment before he leaned his elbows on the table, folding his own hands together as he leaned closer to me. “Something’s troubling you. I can tell.”

I sighed loudly. “Tom, now’s not the time to play the best-friend, okay? Let’s talk about you. What have you been doing since last we talked?” I said hurriedly.

Tom was about to say something when the girl came over with a large round tray holding our drinks and Tom’s cookie. She sat our stuff down before us, adding on a small glass of water for Tom because of his cookie. “Here you go, guys. If there’s anything you need, don’t be afraid to yell for me. My name’s Cari.” I watched as she then looked down at Tom. “I’m sorry…but you look familiar.”

I smiled. She didn’t have a main clue who he was.

Tom gave her a big smile. “Tom Hiddleston.”

The girl laughed. “That makes so much sense right now! You played F. Scott Fitzgerald in  _Midnight in Paris_. Yeah, I love that movie,” she said happily.

Tom kept his eyes on her. “That’s lovely to hear.” He flashed her his winning smile.

“Yeah. So let me get out of your way, I’ll be over by the counter.” She turned around and was about to walk back to the cash register when a customer called her name politely. She hurried over to them to see what they wanted.

Tom looked at me after taking a sip of his coffee, making a satisfied humming noise. “So. Um. Well, at the moment, my life is revolved around Marvel, but I have a few movies I will be working on shortly. Things are beginning to die down a little, though I know it won’t last for long.”

“Any women in your life?”  _Shit, Cat._   _Why’d you have to ask that? Now he’ll be sure to know you still have feelings for him_ , I scolded myself.

Tom let out a chuckle as he broke his cookie apart. “No. There is not one women where I work or live that I have been interested in,” he answered in an amused voice.

I just shrugged, picking up my cup and sipping it. It tasted so heavenly. I sighed softly and set it back down on the table.

“Why do you ask?”

My face went red, I was sure of it. “I don’t know. Kinda just came out.”

Tom rolled his eyes at me when I looked up at him. “Come on, Cat. I know that there’s always a reason behind every word you say. Or when it comes to saying it to me, at least.”

I sighed, frustrated. Why does he always have to do that? “I was just curious,” I mumbled.

“Cat,” he said softly.

I knew that voice. He knew why I had asked it. I had been caught red-handed, a deer in the headlight. He pitied me, to say the least.

I motioned my hand at him angrily. “Look, why did you even talk to me? I was finally doing fine without you in my life,” I hissed at him, careful not to raise my voice.

Tom’s lips formed a thin line. He was frustrated too. “I,” he sighed, “I missed you. I couldn’t stop myself from talking to you when I saw you.”

I shook my head. “You can’t just say things like that,” I snapped at him.

“Why not?” he questioned,

I didn’t say a word.

He leaned forward again, his voice lowered. “Do you…do you still have feelings for me?”

I sighed, glaring at him. “Stop.”

He smirked at me then. He knew exactly. That bastard.

I took a large sip of my coffee, feeling the caffeine begin to kick in on me, causing me to actually feel as nervous as I was at the moment. This was horrible. I didn’t want this — I never asked for him to be back in my life. After he broke my heart? And why was he practically teasing me about how I still had feelings for him?  _Rude_.

“When I finish this, I’m heading straight back to my hotel,” I told him bitterly.

“Well, at least let me walk you back. Chicago can be a dangerous place for women after hours.”

I knew that there would be no way of saying ‘no’ to him, so I just remained silent, drinking angrily at my coffee.


	5. Chapter Four

**November 18, 2005**

My eyes felt heavy as I opened them up to look at Tom. He smiled down at me, his head resting on a propped up elbow as his other hand rested on my bare waist. Soon he curled his fingers slightly and trailed them up my side, tucking my sweaty hair behind my ear. He leaned down and pressed his lips to my cheeks, chuckling.

“What,” I asked as I turned my head so my lips could meet with his.

He kissed me back and then leaned away, going back to his stance he had before. He went back to tracing my side, gazing down at me with love. His soft touch caused goosebumps to cover the territory he crossed.

“That was just so…beautiful,” he told me with a lazy smile. It was so adorable.

Cringing slightly, I moved from laying on my stomach to laying on my side just as he pulled me close. I nuzzled my head into his neck as I sighed. “It was,” I mumbled back, muffled.

“Are you in any pain?” he then asked me.

I groaned. “A little…”

He leaned back slightly so I could see the concern on his face. “I’m sorry, Cat,” he told me.

I smiled and shook my head. “No. It was worth it. Believe me,” I told him, cupping his cheek.

His concern slowly melted away as he smiled again, leaning forward to kiss me.

“I love you so much,” he whispered in my ear, that happy smile I loved visible in his voice.

“And I love you so much,” I told him in return.

\- - - - - - - - - -

**Present Day**

I switched on the light to my hotel room, walking in as Tom trailed behind me. It was a mistake and I knew it, that I had invited him into my hotel room after he begged that we had more catching up to do. I was lazy at the moment, not really having the energy to say ‘no’ to him and tell him to never talk to me again. Maybe I could try and push the past aside.

Or not.

Tom closed the room’s door behind him when he trailed in behind me. I sighed and shrugged off my jacket, throwing it to the nearest chair and getting out of my shoes as I sat my purse down on my jacket where I had placed it.

“So…” I started, sucking in a breath when I felt him come up behind me and wrap his arms around me after brushing aside my hair, pressing his lips to the exposed flesh. My eyes had fluttered shut under the touch for just a moment before I shook my head and tried to get away from him. Because my body was beginning to react to him so soon, my struggles came out as weak.

“Tom, please, no…” I begged, shaking my head as I grasped his wrists, trying to pry them away from me. He was far more stronger than me.

“Shh…I know you want this,” he whispered in my ear as I whimpered, one of my hands going to cover my pain-struck face. This wasn’t happening.

His face moved next to mine so he could brush his lips against my jaw just below my ear. I made the biggest mistake in letting out a whimper because I felt him smile against my skin. This was so wrong…but at the same time my body was reacting to him like how your thirst reacts when you’ve finally got all the water you’ve wanted after a long journey through a dry desert. I hated it, but at the same time I just couldn’t help it.

“I know you too well to know you’re trying to hold back. Just let go,” he whispered as his hand now grabbed my waist to hold me still, his lips covering my neck and beginning to suck, creating a mark.

I whimpered again, my head tilting to the side to give him access and then regretting it. I felt him smile against my skin once more. He marked me and I knew it. But it was only faint because he soon pulled away, a hand going to my stomach and turning me around to face him. My eyes met his and my heart sank. His eyes, dark and beautiful…passionate in which drew me in even more. I wanted to kiss him, I knew it. But I wasn’t going to give in. This was wrong. This would be cheating on Jeremy.

“Let go,” he repeated in a lower, softer, and more seductive voice. That seductive voice that always made my heart melt and my knees go weak.

So I did.

He leaned forward and kissed me roughly, hungrily…the one thing I missed so much since he broke up with me. I kissed him back, my hands going up to tangle in his hair as he cupped my face and then pushed me back until my knees hit the edge of the hotel bed. I hurried and grabbed for the bottom of my sweater as Tom pulled away, nearly ripping his leather jacket off of him and throwing it carelessly to the floor. I was left in a tight tank top as I pulled that off next. I now was left in my jeans and bra, my whole entire body on fire with lust for Tom. Up to the point where I let out a whimper of desperation.

Excitement and yearning pulsed to my groin as his lips found mine again, his hands gripping my hips possessively as he literally pushed me down onto the bed. I scooted back until we were both in the middle as his hands found the belt of my jeans. He pulled the belt out, fumbling for the button and zipper next. My hands went to his chest, touching missed territory. His muscles were more defined since the last time something like this happened. His skin was soft, with more hair to mark him as the man he was.

“Fuck, I’ve missed this,” I heard him hiss as my hands tugged at his belt and then the button and zipper of his jeans. My hands found his rock-solid bulge as he let out a shocked moan.

“You’re so hard for me,” I whispered followed by another whimper. His lips found my neck, his tongue roaming over my pulse point and then sucking hard, branding me the body that was once his to take. I had never felt this desperate before with Jeremy. Never.

I shakily positioned my body so I could get my jeans off, throwing them to the floor. I had turned my body to the side of the bed, my feet dangling off of the mattress as I shimmied out of the jeans, shaking the bed in the process. When they were off, I heard Tom growl, my heart beating fast and hard in my ears as he pulled me to him, my back to his chest. With skilled hands, he unhooked my bra, sliding it off of my shoulders and to join with my other clothes on the floor. His lips covered the spot he was branding before, sucking hard and sending more waves down to my groin. I must have been soaking wet. I felt his hardened length strained in his underwear at my tailbone while his hands had a mind of their own. My left breast was kneaded by one hand while the other quickly slipped underneath the surface of my panties.

My chest quickly rose as my mouth dropped open, a gasp welcoming my lungs as his hand cupped my sex.

Tom sat kneeling in the middle of the bed as I sat atop his lap, his legs slightly spread to support me. My head fell to the side on his shoulder as my back arched. I tried my hardest to just let him do the job, but my body decided against it. My hips worked their magic as I grinded into his hand while my ass, in the meantime, grinded against him.

I heard him moan again, but brokenly this time. Finally, I knew he was just as desperate as me.

A finger dipped into my entrance to delve in the wetness from my horniness and then slid out, soon beginning to circle my little bud of nerves. I gasped again, moaning. “Oh my gosh, Tom,” I whispered brokenly.

His fingers felt so good that it hurt. Or so my mind thought. I had never felt this much pleasure before in my life. I grinded harder, earning a harder moan from him.

It wasn’t long before his finger left my sex and he quickly turned me around. He licked his fingers as he pushed me down into the bed, getting out of his underwear as he yanked my panties off, probably ruining them for the trashcan later.

Tears were forming in the corner of my eyes from the desperation of him. “Fuck me, Tom. It’s been way too long,” I pleaded in a shaky voice.

“Fuck you, I shall,” I heard him say between barred teeth. He grabbed my hips and was thrusted inside me in an instant.

I cried out at the sudden feeling, my hand covering my mouth as I finished my cry. Tom had froze when he had filled me to the hilt. I opened my eyes and looked at him, looking over his features. He stood on his knees, buried inside me as his eyebrows were furrowed, his eyes shut in a slightly cringed fashion. He looked…like he was in pure ecstasy. Like he wanted to focus on what he was feeling and absolutely nothing else in the world. So I did the same. I bit my lip as my eyes fluttered shut. He was hot, hard, but smooth, and large inside me. Practically a perfect fit. But at the moment, everything south burned with the desperation of any form of friction.

I was so tempted to touch my clit myself when Tom began to move. I had to cover my mouth again for the fact that he was rubbing against my g-spot the perfect way. My body writhed beneath him as he leaned forward and pulled my hand from my mouth, his lips hungrily clashing to mine as he swallowed my cries, moans, and whimpers for me.

My hands, in the meantime, wrapped around him and grasped his firm ass, kneading the perfectly sculpted cheeks as I widened my legs as far as they would go without pain, trying to give him the best access as possible. His body shook as he pulled out and pushed into me in a slow and lazy fashion. I could tell how hungry he was for release from me. He wanted to go faster. And so did I.

His tongue delved between my lips and twisted against mine. The kiss was sloppy and was all teeth and tongue as we moaned into each other. My hands ran up his back and made claw marks in the meantime, earning a whimper from him as all of a sudden, his hips picked up in speed. In no time at all, he was pounding into me, desperate as fuck for that sweet release. My climax was building harder than ever. He reached between us and found my clit, rubbing a finger around it in the perfect rhythm ever. I had to tear my lips from his. “Tom, I’m….I’m gonna…” my breath had caught. It was coming soon.

“Me too,” he said as he picked up in speed.

It wasn’t long before I came around him, my body frozen and limbs shaking as my mouth hung open, the strongest orgasm I ever had exploding within me as I felt him do the same, spilling into me hard.

I had never felt so spent before in my life. I let go of him as my hands fell limply down beside me, my chest rising and falling quickly for the breath I was trying to catch. I opened my eyes and looked up at Tom, who was looking back at me with an expression I found myself unable to read.

In a blink of an eye, he turned over so that my body rested atop his, still buried inside me.

It was odd. I felt spent, but I had no means or intentions of going to bed soon.

Suddenly, Tom sat up with me now straddling him as he still laid buried inside of me. He cupped my cheek and leaned forward, kissing me again. The kiss was as hungry as before, our tongues finding each other again as a hand ran down my spine and grasped my ass. He broke from the kiss to look at me once more. “Let’s go another round,” he said breathlessly.

I had no means of refusing. It wasn’t long before desperation pulsed through me again, my skin burning for his touch in a way that I couldn’t help myself. He leaned me back down into the mattress and began pounding into me once more.


End file.
